Dear Mother of 2 pre-teen girls,
Thanks again for your question! I am sure lots of readers and visitors to
organicorganizing.com wrestle with similar problems in organizing their kids.
Sounds like the big magic trick is getting your girls to use their
hampers and a trash can. At 9 and 10 years old the girls are old enough
to start learning how to pick up after themselves.
Spend time teaching the girls to respect their clothes and what is involved in
taking care of them.
Make sure it is easy for them to pick up. The more that they
grasp and understand the process, the better.
Also, most people need space to take in new concepts (this means nagging
might get in the way of their thinking clearly).
Helping Kids Organize Themselves:
1) Make sure the hampers are easy to access, open, use and close
2) Teach them how to hang clean clothes and have at least one place to
drape clean clothes until they are hung (for the times hanging doesn't happen,
or they can't reach)
3) Make sure that they have room to put things away
4) Show the girls how to distinguish what is clean and what is dirty
5) Establish an official pick up time (Essential Action #6 from The
Organic Organizing Matrix, pick up in between activities), such as
5 minutes each time they transition into different clothes
6) Make it into a game to have a clean floor. You might consider having a "star chart"
for the month where each time they pick up their clothes they get a star (the kind teachers use).
Once they get "x" number of stars, they get a reward of some kind.
7) If they argue that a dirty floor is acceptable, have them demonstrate
for you how it works better. They might realize on their own how a dirty floor gets in the way!
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(continued)
Mom Needs to Remember:
1) If you are rushing them, they won't have time to do anything but throw the clothes on the floor
2) It is worth spending time establishing the value of their picking up versus nagging them,
feeling helpless and emphasizing what slobs that they are - they need to see why it is important
to do for themselves
3) Visualize them as being capable of picking up after themselves, literally
see them picking up with ease in your mind's eye (fake it until you make it
on this one!)
4) Let this be a self-esteem building exercise for them - let them see
how good it feels to do it themselves
5) Pick up your own floor, children often learn by example!
6) Or, if you are a "neat freak," don't let that get in the way of letting them learn themselves
Be patient. Remember when they were learning how to walk? I bet your girls fell a few times didn't they?
I am going to guess that you were slowed down enough to be fully present with them to make sure they felt
supported and safe walking.
It may seem faster for you to do it for them now, however, in the long run it is a disservice.
Just think, when they are adults, they will be so happy to have learned this lesson.
Many of the chronically disorganized adults I work with were never taught how to pick
up after themselves.
Like many parents I know, you might need to let go of being "needed"
on some level in order to truly empower them to be capable of picking up with out your help.
But, there are plenty of ways the girls need you that are more important than being their
maid (as I am sure you already know)!
I hope this helps! Definitely check in and let me know how this goes!
Best of Luck!
Shannon Seek, BS, CPCC
Professional Organizer, Author of the
Organic Organizing Matrix
About the Author:
Shannon Seek is available for private coaching, teamwork
and presentations on getting more focused, effective
and organized. For more information, please contact Seek Solutions
at: findit@seeksolutions.com or visit her coaching & consulting website:
http://www.seeksolutions.com
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